D.A.M.N= Damaged, Annoyed, Mean2Self, Numb

Damn. That's the first thought I have. Yeah I  know I paid my rent and bills but I still worry about everything. There's a lot to be concerned about. Some being emotional, some being physical, some being other. I fear everyone. Everyone reminds me or looks like someone familiar. I have a two people in my life on the regular like (names hidden for individual privacy) in Oakland. And then there's my close friend and ex fiance & boyfriend (who's name is anonymous for their privacy).  I worry that it could be all fake or ill intensions. I feel bad cause it's potentially the PTSD or something. I also think I'm in love with my ex fiance intensely as I had my first love (Name is anonymous) But I don't know if he

feels the same. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. I can't take much more. I'm numb. Doing good with my responsibilities like rent and phone bill and food and stuff but I just can't seem to worry that it's all gonna fade and vanish. I'm listening to Carrie Underwood outloud and today cried to Jesus take the will (That's a whole other story). I fear that no one does for real for real. Ugh! I just for now on I think I'm gonna hide all my feeling expressing with people. You know put on a happy face all the time. Maybe people might love me. There's something else too but I rather not bring it up. I don't know anymore sometimes it feels. Happy Friday everyone!

Happy Holidays

Now I know that the holidays aren't east for anyone but let me tell you they are really hard for me. I basically just spent all day by myself and it really hurt. Ok yeah I know I'm 21 years old but it's still sucky to know that in some ways I'm all by myself but you know you get over it after awhile, at least you try. I smoked weed with my ex and still best friend and his friend so it was ok. I'm grateful for that you know. 

Enteral Queen

Sorry for not posting in a while. Life is scary, like super scary. Why do people like to see me in pain? That's just something I don't understand. Why do people hunt trans people down? Is it some sick sport? I think it could be. I think it could also be evilness and lack of concern for human life. I'm not expected to live long cause I'm trans? Like what the actual horrific fuck! Ugh!

Living Life

Everyday is a journey. I'm ready for love. I'm ready to let someone in and be open opposed to purposely pushing someone away cause I'm scared of being hurt or taken advantage of. I don't know what safe ways I can meet guys without potentially the men being sketchy. Maybe it's not time for that yet. I made the decision to get a dog in the next week or so. I think a dog is a good thing. I'm just lonely and I really need to get my priorities a little more in line before I go to dating I think.

Welcome To The Asher Chronicles!

Hi, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my blogs and posts.

My life has been filled with chaos & despair for the past twenty one  years not trying to be a drama queen, but I was definitely not privileged even though I was in foster care for seventeen damn years. But I'll work on a short biography to make reading my blogs more easier & to make sense. I'll try to write at least four entries a week.

I know y'all don't know me or my story yet, but hold tight as I learn how to use all of the editing software and settings here on Blogger. 

In the next few weeks, I'm gonna be working on a special project to help me get to know my audience better and give you a chance to get to know more about me. Yes that's right, I'm doing a Q/A. If you want to ask me a question about anything for my second & special "The Asher Chronicles" post,  go to the comment section down below & submit your questions and I will answer all of them in my next post. 

THE CUTOFF/DEADLINE TO SEND YOUR QUESTIONS OR WHATEVER WILL BE SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 19TH @6PM (PACIFIC STANDARD TIME)

"Happy Wednesday!"