D.A.M.N= Damaged, Annoyed, Mean2Self, Numb

Damn. That's the first thought I have. Yeah I  know I paid my rent and bills but I still worry about everything. There's a lot to be concerned about. Some being emotional, some being physical, some being other. I fear everyone. Everyone reminds me or looks like someone familiar. I have a two people in my life on the regular like (names hidden for individual privacy) in Oakland. And then there's my close friend and ex fiance & boyfriend (who's name is anonymous for their privacy).  I worry that it could be all fake or ill intensions. I feel bad cause it's potentially the PTSD or something. I also think I'm in love with my ex fiance intensely as I had my first love (Name is anonymous) But I don't know if he

feels the same. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. I can't take much more. I'm numb. Doing good with my responsibilities like rent and phone bill and food and stuff but I just can't seem to worry that it's all gonna fade and vanish. I'm listening to Carrie Underwood outloud and today cried to Jesus take the will (That's a whole other story). I fear that no one does for real for real. Ugh! I just for now on I think I'm gonna hide all my feeling expressing with people. You know put on a happy face all the time. Maybe people might love me. There's something else too but I rather not bring it up. I don't know anymore sometimes it feels. Happy Friday everyone!